Breaking the bond of drug addiction is close to my heart. From the time I was 13 to the time I was in my mid 20’s, I battled with drug addiction. Drugs are not something you do because your life is perfect. Often times, drugs are something you turn to toquiet the demons you are trying to run from.
From a very young age, I was molested. When I was a teenager, I was molested. When I was a young adult, I was raped. I also grew up not feeling understood. I had a very strong personality and was always corrected. It seemed like every reaction I had and every response I had to situations was wrong. I was reprimanded. And, in the south, it is proper to be demure. That is not in my DNA. My parents tried to soften out my rough edges the best way they knew how, but humans are not perfect. I am not bitter towards my parents. I love my parents, and we have a relationship today. However, growing up, I had no idea who I was and felt like everything I did was wrong. Satan can use anything to bring bitterness and anger. So, on top of being molested, I always felt wrong and like I was doing wrong. I felt like something was wrong with me. All of this created a breeding ground for anger and rage. Rage at the injustices in my life, and anger at not knowing how to be right or good or perfect or correct. I would often look in the mirror and, when I saw my reflection, I would not recognize the person standing there. I was not comfortable in my own skin. I felt allergic to me.
So, for all the voices screaming loudly in my head, drugs wasmy answer. For many of us, this is why drugs are the answer. The enemy lies and says there will never be relief; there will never be rest; there will never be another answer. When I was 19 years old in Pensacola, a couple of things changed my life. I started shooting up ecstasy, and then I was raped. I left town to move in with a friend who lived in Memphis, TN, thinking I would be safer. This got me away from my rapist and from shooting up, but introduced me to heroin (which I snorted). Unfortunately, my friend and I had a flow of money, so we were going to bars every night and dropping acid, taking ecstasy, snorting heroin, smoking weed, and doing whatever to fill the very vast void in our lives. Seemingly, the situation became worse than anybody could have imagined.
And then one night, I had an encounter with God…..because I had praying parents, because I had praying family members, because I had praying people in my life.
I was in a hotel room and had a visitation with an angel. I felt God there. I felt Him a million miles away and every space in between, even going right through me. I felt his pure truth, love, and purity. The humans in our lives can only be as truthful as their knowledge allows or can only give as much love as they have. This world is nothing but broken and can only be as pure as it can be in our situations, which is nil to none often times. But until we meet God- not our parents, not our accolades, not our friends, not our counselors-we cannot know the bondage breaking strength of pure love, pure truth, or complete purity. And this is why our family cannot save us. This is why our friends or counselors cannot save us. They can help us, but they cannot save us. This is why riches and accomplishments cannot complete us. This is why we need God. The way, the truth, and the life saved me. And I did nothing but be there. And he came. He came and healed my hole-infested, drug-addled brain. He came and healed my OCD and borderline schizophrenicparanoia. He came and healed my heart. He came and reminded me that I am who He knit in the womb, that He loved me, and He still knew who I was even though I had forgotten. There is hope because God is alive!
I was freed from addiction but not the lifestyle. God took his patience and care with me, and I have been drug free for 13 years.
Be encouraged if you have family members you are praying for or if you are battling addiction. I am not different from the person next to me. If He did it for me and my family, He will do it for you and your family. You may have made mistakes with your loved ones, but your prayers move mountains because they move God. You may have walked through heart breaking situations or have seen your loved ones walk through those situations. It does not matter, He is bigger than any situation, and He will make it up to you. He is the Way Maker, the Miracle Worker, the Promise Keeper, and the Light in the darkness. He either is or He is. And people from across denominations, city borders, and churches are praying with you today.